Taking a little detour off the running path with this one…
Years ago, my mom told me that your 40s is a hard decade. Being young and naive, I didn’t give it much thought. But now that I am in the latter part of this decade, I get it.
I’ve had a couple of weeks of late where bad news seems to come from every direction: parents of friends dying, friends of friends dying, divorces, news of disease diagnoses, etc. Each one hits hard and makes me sad. When I was in my earlier 40s, each piece of news like this was a big, awful shock. A wise, older friend told me to buckle up, because this was life from your 40s on. I think that’s pretty much true and I can say that I have adjusted to this truth.
But here’s the thing about bad news becoming a bit more of the norm: as much as you hate it, you learn and grow from it. Truly, these events become perspective shufflers. The adage “don’t sweat the small stuff” is never truer than when you reach middle age. You learn not to judge as harshly; you learn to be more empathetic; you learn patience; you learn to reach out more; you become a better listener, and you (hopefully) keep your knee-jerk reactions in check.
I still have a long way to go to reach that place of old and wise, but I am a bit older and wiser than I was 10 years ago. And that can only be a good thing.
So I guess, my readers, many of whom are much younger than I, my Valentine to you is the advice to enjoy a relatively care-free time, and understand that even when you hit that tougher section of life, there’s much good to come of it.
Thoughts from my readers, both older and younger?
Good advice as I prepare (well, wait) to turn 40 in April!
Kate recently posted..The 8-Year Plan
So much wisdom comes with age. I’m only 34 but in my 30′s alone I’ve learned so much and changed my perspective on things. So much growth has come from the difficult situations that stretch me. I’m thankful for these opportunities. Thankful for heartache and rejection…conflict…these things have made me really appreciate the important things in life and let the things that don’t matter go a bit more.
I wish I’d known this. Yes, my 40s has been the hardest decade of my life. But yes, I’ve learned from it. I’m entering my next decade in a pretty good place. I think I’ve learned a lot of perspective in the last decade and it’s going to stand me in good stead.
Char recently posted..Amazing Real-Life Stories
As I enter my late 30s, I definitely feel like I’ve learned so much in the past few years. I too am thankful for the challenging times because they’ve not only tested me but have helped me to figure out what’s really important in my life, my priorities. While I’m a bit apprehensive about hitting 40, I actually think that it will be a great decade.
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..I love skiing
Having just turned 40 in October l I have felt a strange since of calm. I had a rough personal go in my 30′s and was relieved to finally be over the hump. I feel like my ears and my heart are more open to those around me and that I have found my place. What used to bother me, I look at as a learning experience now. Don’t get me wrong, I cried the entire month of September as I did not want to turn 40, but now that I am here I am determined to enjoy the ride.
I’m about to enter my mid 30s and am amazed at the changes/life events that seem to come up daily already. Things get more real when these changes start affecting people your own age. In my 20s, it was definitely, “that happens to older people” mind set.
Angela @ Happy Fit Mama recently posted..Keeping it Klean with Klean Athlete
I’m riding the 40′s along with you – actually in my later 40′s now (gasp!). I don’t feel it, though what are the 40′s supposed to feel like anyway? I’m sure part of that is because I’m active and fit. I’m sure part of it is what you wrote about; the gaining of wisdom and realizing the value of holding onto a hug a little bit longer because the bad news does arrive. When you least expect it.
But the good news comes too – and the challenge is holding onto that even tighter
Lisa recently posted..Missing
AMEN.
the 40s have been amazing and ID NEVER WANNA GO BACK to my younger days.
Miz recently posted..Sweet Relish 2 (AKA what Miz wants for Valentines Day).
That’s what I always say – onward!!!
Kim recently posted..Spider Walking
I recently read that happiness is middling in youth, takes a nose dive in middle age (a man’s unhappiest year is his 49th, don’t ask me how they figured that out), and true happiness increases with age, as we appreciate all we’ve been through and everyone around us more. Looking forward to aging happily.
Kovas – Midwest Multisport Life recently posted..Midweek Motivation: Stairs to Success
It gets better. I didn’t start running until my 50s.
Darlene recently posted..Wordless Wednesday
I am 50 and still waiting for wisdom. I only seem more patient because I am slower…
Jamoosh recently posted..Wordy Wednesday
I am a couple years away from 40, but I have been seeing exactly what you are talking about, it is tough
Scott recently posted..Happy Valentines Day – Who Do YOU Love?
I will be 40 in May. I think you do get a taste of it in your 30′s. Parents and parents of friends start to worry about retiring or retire, they start to get ill or decline, etc. Even I have started to think in that direction. Am I saving enough? Will I be able to do what I want? The last 5 years or so made it really hard on some. Not being able to retire when or how they planned.
The Kidless Kronicles
Nicole@TheKidlessKronicles recently posted..This NEVER happens….
It’s interesting how our perspectives change as we get older. In my 20′s I said I would NEVER go back to my teens. Now that I am in my 30′s I would NEVER go back to my 20′s.
I am one of those weird people who enjoy getting older because with each candle on the cake, so to speak, I gain knowledge & experience.
Maureen recently posted..Migraines Suck!
I think it’s different for everyone. My Dad says the best years and happiest years of his life have been the last 10 (and he is 57).
We have had an awful lot of tough sections to deal with already – very sick children, divorcing parents, deaths, major stressful job struggles, etc. I try to just be grateful for the easy times and get stronger in the challenging times and to always keep my focus on my biggest blessings and being the best I can be. Always changing, learning and growing.
I am really sorry if you have gotten some bad news lately. Hugs!!
And Happy Valentine’s Day. I know you have lots of love in your life.
Erin recently posted..What’s next?
So true! A few years ago, one of my high school classmates died of cancer. Someone the same as I ALREADY dying of cancer. I had SUCH a tough time with it and this particular person was always so mean to me. Weird. I guess we never think of ourselves as getting old enough to see other pass. Or maybe it depends how much grief you’ve had to deal with in your life. I’ve been very fortunate which makes it that much more difficult.
Back to your stream of bad news. I truly hope good things, news, health, happiness start to come your way faster and more plentiful than the bad.
Joanne recently posted..Happy Choco-Nut Loaf Dear Valentine
I love your advice. I don’t consider you to be old by any means, but I do consider you to be very wise.
I haven’t had to experience a lot of close grief, etc. but I dread the day that I will have to. I don’t know how I will handle it because I haven’t experienced it yet. I tend to get really emotional so will I be able to deal with some sad/bad news or will I shut myself off? I guess I will take it one step at a time if/when I do experience it.
Tasha @ Healthy Diva recently posted..My Valentine
Love this post. I work with a lot of girls in their 20′s and I give them the same talk about how life is not the same in your 30′s as it was in your 20′s. The bad news is much more prevalent, but, I agree it doesn’t seem as tragic. Sadly, maybe.
Great post Amanda!
Robin recently posted..Race Day Nutrition–Why I Run with SaltSticks
I’m heading rapidly towards 40 now and am starting to have that experience of friend’s parents passing (2 in 2 weeks) and it really is like being shaken to the reality that your parents are that age. Makes you start to really appreciate all the little things so much more. All those things you took for granted in your 20′s and early 30′s
Heather (Where’s the Beach) recently posted..HIIT Bike & Full Body Workout
Wonderful post and I think you nailed it. I’m turning 40 this year and I’m starting to sense the “life changes” surrounding me. Friends parents are starting to pass away, my own are getting older when anything could happen, and our bodies are changing. All the more reason to keep running – the stress relief and health benefits are that much more important NOW
And on this Valentine’s Day, much love to those of us entering the 40s and in the 40s this year!
Christina recently posted..10 things I love about running on Valentine’s Day
Such great advice!!! I have a few years before I enter my 40s but this is advice anyone can take!!!
Fancy Nancy recently posted..TTT…What I’m Loving Today
So true. I turn 50 this year so I’m ending that decade in my life. I definitely feel wiser than 10 years ago but still learn every day. A lot of my parent’s friends died during the past few years and they are nearly the only ones left now. I’m just happy they are both still with us. It takes the experience of life to understand how little we knew a few years ago.
Johann recently posted..Training Update
Very poignant post. I feel like I’m where you are (and have been for a while) even though I won’t be 40 until this summer. Losing my dad and stepmom at relatively young ages (cancer/heart disease and diabetes) and now with a mother-in-law in early stages of alzheimers (about to turn 65), my husband and I feel like we are aging before our time. And yet, we are still dealing with relatively young children adding to the overwhelming nature of what will become the norm as we age. One hard thing is that very few of our peers are in the same boat. Their parents are still doting on the grandchildren and there for support while we juggle things like probate and managing finances and medications. But it does keep perspective. Thanks for the reminder.
TriMOEngr (Christina) recently posted..Running to Remember, etc.
Such a lovely post. I’m naturally a worrier, so this is a piece of advice I really need to take to heart. I think focusing on the important things is key to achieving happines in life. Thanks for this reminder, and happy Valentine’s Day to you!
Beth @ Running with the Sunrise recently posted..Lovely Day for a Run
Thank you Amanda. As a not yet 30 year old, I take this advice to heart. I wrote a post about a loss in your 20s recently; I’ve had very good friends lose siblings and children, and the sheer shock and pain that arrise makes it really hard to know how to react. I know I need to become more patient and keep my knee jerk reactions in check, this post reminds me that there’s so much to learn and that life, while challenging, is beautiful.
MegG recently posted..In My Twenties Tuesday: I got myself into debt
Hmp. Wow this post is very timely for me. I’m 38 and I can feel and see those words coming quicker and more frequent. I’m still having trouble dealing with what “middle age” brings. Not to mention my kids are growing at a crazy rate which just solidifies the passing of time. I don’t know whether to feel happy or sad.
Fueled by Spite recently posted..2013
Being a mom to two in her latter 30′s I can certainly agree with my mom when she said, “You’ll understand when you get older”. I absolutely hated when she would tell me that, but it is so true. This is life. Unedited and unfiltered. We live it and we grow from it. I know that, whatever experiences I have had to date, I’ve learned from it.
Michelle recently posted..Camera Play – Epic Fail or Astounding Success?
I’m turning 40 (gulp) in April and see this already. I always joke that I don’t want to grow up and the thought of turning 40 is very daunting to me right now. I know it is life and a process, but it doesn’t always make it easier. I think it scares me because I am getting older and I love the little life I have!! So I’m rolling with it and making it the best I can!! Woohoo for 40!
Our perspectives change so much as we grow older and through difficult/harsh life circumstances. I’m 58 going on 59 this year and I must say I have thoroughly enjoyed my 50′s. I still have older kids at home. We had 6, first one born when I was almost 30 and twins born when I was 41. My dad died in my 20′s. but, yes, the older I’ve gotten the more sickness, death, and heartbreak I’ve seen. My mom died last summer from Alzheimer’s. What has helped so much is my running!! Getting out in the fresh air, freeing my mind, reminding myself of the Hope we have. So thankful for running and Hope and being in my 50′s.
I’m thankful that we continue to gain wisdom… the more we understand see of the darker side of life, the more wisdom we need to make sense of it all. My mom just lost her best friend yesterday… it’s so hard for me to see my parents going through rough times (they’re much older than you, btw!!) but I’m also learning a lot from the way they handle it with grace and acceptance.
Laura @ Mommy Run Fast recently posted..10 Things I Love About Running
My 40′s were honestly my best decade. Ages 0-10 second place. 30′s last place. As I age I honestly don’t care what others think, nor do I compare myself to them. Now I just need to stop comparing an older me to a younger version.
Marcia recently posted..Running Love and Virtual Races
For me, I was hit hard with death and losing friends and family at an early age. I lost two grandparents when I was 12 and the rest were gone by the time I reached college. My dad has struggled with health issues and had open heart surgery my senior year of high school. A family friend had a heart attack the week of my wedding. You do learn to deal with it but it just shows that at no matter what age you can have bad things happen and you just have to take it in stride. I know that losing family so early has taught me to appreciate my time with those I have left. I know that my husband does not do that because he has not faced death and still has all his grandparents. It just depends on the person and what they have experienced – I don’t necessarily think it has to do with age.
J recently posted..Giving up Facebook
this is such truth and why I learn from you each time. Buckle up and learn to grow. Yes!
p.s.
You wear 40′s well friend
lindsay recently posted..Thursday Thoughts & Love
To be honest I am feeling this way as of late and I am in my upper 20s which I agree.. things hit hard. I guess it starts now, so I’ll have a tough shell and a lot to learn from.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Taylor @ LiftingRevolution recently posted..Top 10 Things I’m Lovin This Valentine’s Day
I feel like my 40′s are some of my best years. I love the wisdom that comes with age, but still feel like I have so very much to learn. I will be 45 in April, that sounds so old and yet I feel the same on the inside!
LisaM@RunWiki recently posted..Happy Valentines Day
Sorry to hear of sadness… cheers to growing and being wise. I think a gray beard is sexy… go with THAT look.
Pavement Runner recently posted..Playlist Thursday: Random, I know
Love this post (and love that it has nothing to do with running =) )
I feel more at peace with things now then I was when I was in my 20s. I’ve learned what I can control and what I can’t control and really try to not sweat the small stuff anymore. I think age does bring wisdom…
Michele @ Nycrunningmama recently posted..What I’m Loving
First of all, I would have never guessed you were in your 40s pretty lady!!!
In my latter teens and 20′s I’ve unfortunately gone through a lot of the “shocking” or greiving events that you mention doesn’t/shouldn’t happen until your 40s but it definitely makes me “wiser beyond my years” due to it. I’m an old soul, what can I say
I look forward to my 30s, and I can already see another wave of what you mention and mostly I worry in regards to my parents, once I hit my 40s.
Somehow, we never stop learning.
beka @ rebecca roams recently posted..Rock N’ Roll St. Pete Expo+Race Recap
Thanks for lightening the mood for those closing in on the big 4.0.
I turn 40 this year. It’s my 2nd year of parenting a special needs child, and my 4th of parenting a ‘typical’ child. I need all the serenity and “Not sweating the small stuff” I can get…
Axel recently posted..Gear Corner: Swimming With Music Part 2
I am getting closer to 40 and I actually think it will be a good decade for me, but I do realize as we get older more not so great stuff will happen. I think for me I have grwon more and more comfortable with myself with each decade so I feel I will flourish in my 40s, hopefully it will be free of illness, but that is a part of life, right?? All the tragic events makes you stronger.
Toni Church recently posted..Wordless Wednesday #NEMO
So true! My MS diagnosis came just weeks before my 41st birthday and it has been a great thing for bringing life into perspective. I have a constant reminder to embrace each day, although I’m not perfect at this…I am a work in process.
Beth @ Miles and Trials recently posted..Happy Valentine’s Day
I agree – the 40s are both great and a time of change. It still surprises me that not only am I aging, so are my grandparents, parents…..
I think the 40s (although I dreaded them initially) have been great. My outlook on many things has changed and I feel like I am better able to keep things in perspective!
Having embraced the 40s, I’m glad that I will never again be in my 20s but I do wish that I could have known more then!!!
Kim recently posted..Spider Walking
This just goes to show you that everyday is a blessing and that no matter how hard things seem to be..the one thing we should be is grateful.
And for the record…I thought you were 22.
Katie @momslrb recently posted..Featured Blogger…Katy Widrick
As always, I appreciate your insight on life and running. I remember when I experienced the first death of a friend, when I was 21 (5 yrs ago). And then a second, and a third, and now, years later, I’m so saddened to realize that untimely death is starting to become a reality at my age. I truly wish it weren’t. I can’t imagine the time and age of beginning to lose parents. I can’t.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been experiencing hard news lately. My heart goes out to you and your friends/family.
Efo recently posted..That one time, we went on SAFARI in Kenya (!!!)
Beautiful advice, and a great Valentine <3
GreenGirlRunning recently posted..Taking Care & Cutting Back
Every year that I get ‘older’ I grow, both inside and out.
Great advice. Thank you for sharing it xo
Kierston recently posted..Love is in the air….
I really hope my 40′s (which I’m really really close to) aren’t rough years. Not to sound like a sad sack, but I had tougher section in my early life so I’d like to think the best year of my life lie in front of me.
I’m sorry you’ve hit a rough patch!
Jess recently posted..The Healthy Snack You May Not Be Eating
What a beautiful post. You are right year after year the things go as you have writ.
Sorry for the hard news.
Never really thought about it but I think you are right. As someone who is in the middle of her 40s, I can see where this decade can hold a lot of changes. I think I am *finally* getting to that place where I don’t worry nearly as much about what people think which is huge. For me, the 40s also seems to be the decade where I can see my parents are starting to think about the end of their lives (not to be a downer but not sure how else to phrase it…) there are a lot of conversations about what to do if this or that happens. I think despite all those realizations it has been my favorite decade so far!
Karen recently posted..Weekend Update & Publix gift card giveaway…
Thanks for the advice! I don’t have long to go! I work with a bunch of people in their 20s and I see them totally worrying about things that I think are so trivial. I am sure that each decade that you reach, you look back on the prior one and think that they should enjoy that decade while they can!
Travel Spot recently posted..Golden Gate Trail 30k
I’m in my early 30′s and can see what you mean. But still it is so difficult not to sweat the small stuff. I guess it takes until something bigger hits that we realize how small our worries used to be.Great post!
Christine recently posted..Wedding Wednesday