Normally we're the happiest of running partners
Friday night I’m pretty sure I earned my parent of the year award. I took my daughter to a cross-country race that turned into more than a half hour of misery.
Let’s back up–I have run three 5ks with her now, all of which she has enjoyed and managed to do with nary of step of walking. I told her about this cross country series and we made plans to hit it. Go to three of the six races over the summer and you earn a tech tee. She was game. Or so I thought.
Let me set the stage for you: We get to the race, which begins at 6:30, right after eating dinner. I usually don’t eat so close to running, but since I wasn’t going to be running anywhere near my normal paces, I didn’t worry about it. My little one, however, probably should have passed on her meal before going. It was pretty warm that night too–summer has set in.
Right from the get go, I started hearing complaints about an aching belly, about being hot, about being tired. Before long, we were in dead last place. Not long after that, we were walking. Commence verbal abuse of mom. Adding to the misery, we made a wrong turn and found ourselves in no-man’s land with nobody else around. At one point, my daughter flung herself onto the ground (although she still had enough energy to yell at me!). And I’m pretty sure anyone who saw us drew the (incorrect) conclusion that I am an overzealous, pushy parent who makes my child do things she hates.
In the midst of all this, I wanted to just walk off the course and go home. But I also wanted my daughter to understand that this was a distance she’s done successfully before, and even though she wasn’t enjoying herself, we weren’t going to quit. And so we walked. A lot. She shed some tears. I bit my tongue numerous times trying not to yell at her when she was yelling at me. It was a long, long night.
When it was all over and we headed home.I talked to her about how I never want her to do something athletic she doesn’t want to do. The LAST thing I ever want is for her to race because she’s trying to please me. Of course I love that she runs, but if it turns out not to be her thing, then so be it. I believe the fastest way to turn a kid off to a sport is to push them.
My guess is it just wasn’t her day–we all have those. She insists that she wants to do the next one–I think the t-shirt is a bit of an incentive to her. But we’ll see. I want to be completely sure her head and heart are in it before we try again. ‘Cause I can tell you, I do NOT want to repeat that experience!
Ever have a bad race experience with one of your kids? Ever felt like an entire race course full of people was staring at you? ; )
I think it’s great to go back after a really bad race, I hope you have spoken to her about what you guys did wrong, and how you can make the next run better!!! Like eating before the race, you have to get her to plan the way she is going to run the next race. At her pace you can do anything, but she can’t so from food to how long before the race you get there she must plan it…
Good luck, when is the next one?
Coach Dion recently posted..TABLE MOUNTAIN
I love she is willing to go back and try again.
I wonder how my girl would react?
Im not sure she’d be as resilient.
Miz recently posted..My workouts.
I am so sorry you guys had a rough race. With any difficult moment, we grow physically, mentally. It was difficult, but you guys made it through and have learned… I consider that a huge success, perhaps even more than having a perfect race every time. It is so easy to shelter our children (it is, after all our instinct) but some of the best parenting in my opinion, is finding the balance between when to shelter and when to let them struggle. You did that and, you did an outstanding job!
LisaM@RunWiki recently posted..North Face Endurance Challenge 50K recap
Been there. I am a fellow torturer of children who CHOOSE to do a thing that then blame mom for their discomfort. Bad mommy! I congratulate you for holding your tongue!
Been there, done that. More than once I’m ashamed to say. She starts out so well and then falls apart, I spend the middle of the 5K “putting Humpty together again” and she tends to finish strong. But it isn’t pretty. My daughter would totally do it for the shirt. Prayers for peace (and maybe better dinner strategy) for next time.
TriMOEngr (Christina) recently posted..Better than nothing
I don’t have kids (yet) but I think it’s great she wants to participate with you and try again even when she doesn’t have a good race.
Nicole recently posted..Saturday Link Love!
Aw hate that it was such a bad race day for her. I really hope she tries again. And I find it so inspiring, so sweet when parents run with their kids. Such great memories
Heather (Where’s the Beach) recently posted..Full Weekend of Runnig, Shopping, Relaxing
poor thing! Sorry she had a rough race, you are a great mommy and you did the right thing!
I’m sorry you had a bad race! But I think that it’s great that she wants to try again. It’s so hard sometimes but I would have done the same thing as you. I’m running into a somewhat similar issue with my son (who’s younger than your daughter) and swim classes. He LOVES swimming but lately has been kicking and screaming at the pool. Yup, that kid and that parent. I don’t want to push him too hard because I don’t want him to end up swimming but I also want him to learn that it takes hard work. I feel for you and hope that the next race will be better!
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf recently posted..Green Smoothie Challenge Update
I’m sorry that it didn’t go well but good for you to have her finish what she started! I agree with you that parents should never push their kids to do something that they don’t want to do, as long as they are involved in something it shouldn’t matter what it is.
My parents never pushed my brother and I to keep swimming which is why we loved it! So many kids on our team had parents who pushed them and they HATED it. I always felt bad for them.
Jamie @ couchtoironwoman recently posted..Today We Dashed
Her reaction Friday sounds a lot like how I would have reacted at that age to trying to run three miles. Good for you for being willing to try again with her (but not make her try again). I think it will all be much better next time if she just has a light snack before and a tasty dinner afterwards. She’ll get that tee if she really wants it. :^)
Terzah recently posted..A New Chapter
Yes, I have completely been that mom that my son is yelling at while the whole race course is staring and I am prodding to continue. Good job biting your tongue! It is so hard to do when you just want to keep reminding them that they wanted to do this. But let’s face it…we all have runs we don’t want to do once we are doing it. Good luck on the next one!
Congrats to you both! Way to get it done, and the best part, she wants to do another one. I take that as a positive. I love this post! I was thinking of doing a trail run with my daughter (she’s run one 5K) but still undecided. She did great in her 5K but can relate to the complaints from her practice jogs!
Robin recently posted..She’s Amazing
So far, so good on races, but doing longer runs with my 7 yr old this track season has been brutal. He runs a mile on the track in 6:30, but then runs 12 min miles when we go for a 3-4 mile run, complaining the whole time, yelling at me, etc. I may have yelled back that we would be done by now if he would just run a tad bit faster.
It’s frustrating, but he’s only 7, I don’t want to turn him off from the sport (especially because he’s showing a good bit of talent). On the other hand, I want to push him to do his best. It’s tough.
Bridie recently posted..Prudent Produce Recipes 6/11/12
It sounds like you handled the race really well. My daughter loves running but as she gets older I want her to know that just because I love it doesn’t mean she has to. I want her to find her passion. I’m sure it was just an off day for your daughter….however shirts are great motivation!!
Fancy Nancy recently posted..Monday Motivation-Find Your Fierce
Sorry she had such a bad race.The next one will make her so happy when she crosses the finish line feeling GREAT
Joanne recently posted..CNYEats A Taste of Utica St. Josephs Creampuffs
Sorry she had such a bad race. It’s so hard to be the parent in that situation, we just want to sit down and cry with them, but then have to be the grown up. Good luck with the next race, it’s certain to be better.
Carrie@FamilyFitnessFood.com recently posted..Proud Parent Weekend
I agree they also have bad days. I haven’t had a bad day in a race with my son but I have had bad hikes with him on the trails and especially when it is hot. I know now he doesn’t like the heat and he did get that from me.
Johann recently posted..Tribute to a special friend and runner.
That’s no fun. I have had a similar experience with my oldest son. Last year when he was 11 we ran the Beat the Bridge 5 miler in Seattle. The goal is to get to the bridge before they raise it (2 miles to the bridge) and then run the last 3 miles to the finish. I spoke sternly trying to motivate him to the bridge while everyone stared at us. He was not a happy camper, but he made it to the bridge in time. Then I took off. I felt bad, but after the race he thanked me for pushing him because he said if I didn’t he wouldn’t have beat the bridge. That made me feel a bit better:)
I think it’s amazing she wants to do it again!! We all have bad days – just like you said…maybe part of it is just that she’s not used to pushing through some discomfort that she was feeling OR that she shouldn’t have raced to begin with if she didn’t feel well to start. But these are all lessons we learn through trial and error – just like she is doing. I think if she wants to race again, you don’t hold her back. I’ve yet to experience this with my little guy, so I’m thankful to read some of the comments and learn from your experiences =)
Michele @ nycrunningmama recently posted..Mini 10k and a Beautiful Wedding Weekend
We hold our kids back, maybe too much, but specifically so this type of stuff doesn’t happen. When we hike, they usually hit a wall at some point, and we try to plan for that as well.
Kovas – Midwest Multisport Life recently posted..Week 6: The North Face Endurance 50K Training
oh Amanda, I could imagine myself in this exact situation. Although my kids aren’t quite there yet, I have taken them to races where they’ve run the kid race. My middle daughter hates to run. She cried the whole time (she was also cold) saying how much she hated running. It made me sad but I had to try really hard to just let it go and not come across like I was disappointed or like I expected her to like running because I do. But gosh, I hope my kids end up liking it.
Glad she wants to do it again.
i love that you run with your daughter. SO awesome. When I have kids, I hope they love running at least slightly as much as I do
So glad she wants to do it again, and so glad she didnt completely end up hating you (ive had those moments with my mom. WHY THE F ARE YOU MAKING ME DO THIS” they always pass, and in the end I’m always thankful she made me.
Charlotte recently posted..Dreams are the Seed of Change.
Way to go to your daughter for wanting to get back in there. It’s a good learning experience for her to know that things don’t always go your way. Bad experiences are life lessons just as much as good ones are! I sure hope that the next time out is a much better time for the two of you!!
Oh no! What a tough day out there. Good for her still wanting to run the next one – it has to go better! Congrats to you both!
Marlene recently posted..Three Things Thursday
Ouch sounds like a tough evening all around! I think it’s great that she wants to try again – we’re all entitled to a bad day. Hope your next outing is better!
Michelle @ Running with Attitude recently posted..Running without Music
awwww… we all have our bad days… hopefully she will give it another go. I agree with not pushing also… my dad made me play softball and I hated it. I despised everything about it. But only made me play for 2 years luckily, he thought it was important I know the rules and the sport of baseball. go figure.
Kristy (@KrisRunTri) recently posted..Pier W Copper River Salmon Run 5K
I’m sure looking back at it all, it’s a great learning experience. Both of you came out of it stronger. I’m also quite happy you stuck with the race and didn’t exit. Honestly, I think I would have wanted to exit as well. My son hasn’t run a race yet and while I really want him to run with me, I won’t push him because I want him to want to do it. Next time the two of you run it, it will so much better!
Jen recently posted..I’m Going to Own It
All parents of kids who do any sports have those days. We’ve had days when even my almost adult son has wanted to pack it all in – at least by late teens he knows enough not to blame me any more. They’re not fun days but they’re learning experiences and they teach the kids resilience which your daughter is absolutely showing by planning on lining up at the next race. Good on her.
Char recently posted..Two Dogs and a Set of Stairs
My kids aren’t old enough to run with me (yet) but I’m sure there will be plenty of races of a similar experience. I don’t blame you at all for wanting to bail but I’m glad you stuck it out. Your daughter will remember this and build from it!
The next one will be better!
Angela @ Happy Fit Mama recently posted..My First 10K and #NHBloggers
Aw, you sound like such a great mom. I love that you talked to her afterwards about wanting her to do things she enjoys.
I bet she was just miserable due to the circumstances. Hopefully she does this next one and enjoys it!
Abby @ Change of Pace recently posted..Sunny start
That’s tough. My little one is only 10 months old, so she gets to ride in the stroller. (not that she doesn’t complain if she’s not in the mood to ride that day). Kudos to you for the way you handled it! Hopefully her next race is much better!
Mandy recently posted..Mountaineering Fashion Show
awww, so tough! sounds like you did the right thing by not quitting though – and by not yelling back (what I might have done…
katie recently posted..believe it or not
Yup, know the feeling. We did a 1 mile ‘fun’ run with Chico and after about 200 yards he was essentially toast. We went through the motions and tried to have fun but he wasn’t having it.
It was difficult but when all was said and done and he got a medal he wanted to do more. That was the carrot for him. It was fun to see him want more. Then after the triathlon he said he no longer wanted to do just running races.
We don’t push him toward anything either and just let him figure out what he wants to do. Works for us.
Jason @ Cook Train Eat Race recently posted..Ironman Arizona – Week 1 Review
No I haven’t ,but it sounds quite awful!
Mom’ s Home Run recently posted..‘Ama runs!
Ugh it happens to the best of us! I love that she’s bouncing back and wants to do the next one though. Kids are resilient!
oh no. that’s never fun and you’re right, she was probably having one of those days where she wasn’t feeling any of it. Aw, I’m sure she’ll bounce back and go all the way next time and hang in there Mom, I can imagine some frustration was in order-I would have sounded CRAZY! I still think it’s awesome she’s willing to workout with Mom, I love that my son wants to attempt another but we gotta get outta the summer months around here, it’s just unbearable!
marissa recently posted..Kids Live Well program
I applaud you for biting your tongue, I know there are times when my kids just lay into me about something or another and at times I just want to scream at them. Sometimes I do
but really it’s just their way to trying to express their misery. I’ve had a few races like that myself – haha. You’re daughter is adorable and I’m certain she’s going to go after that t-shirt and have a much better race next time! 
Jill recently posted..No Beaching… but a Little Racing
We all have good days and bad day, kids are no different. I hope she is fine now!
Debra Terrell recently posted..Pet insurance
Sorry you and your daughter had a such a bad experience, we all have our good days and bad
. I hope the next one is more enjoyable for you both!
Toni recently posted..Weekend Fun, Monday Motivation and a Fresh Start
Oh man that sounds awful for both if you. Parenting is hard work, it’s the race of a lifetime that can’t be a dnf. You got this.
Fueled by Spite recently posted..Home
Sorry for the bad experience but always …. and experience. The next time will be better.
Black Knight recently posted..Rome – Formula Run Cup 10 K
Wow, sounds like a really rough night. If she does try again, I hope it’s a totally different experience. It was just one night, that’s now behind you.
lisa @ early morning run recently posted..Wine, Food and Hiking in the Finger Lakes
Oh that sounds like such a tough experience for both of you! I would bet it just wasn’t her day. I can think of a run or two where I would have liked to yell at my mom if she had been there, just to blame someone other than myself for my misery. It certainly doesn’t sound like you’re pushing her.
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