Apparently I’m full of it right now. I went to my running club’s annual banquet last night, where talk of course surrounded running and inevitably, injuries as well. I heard several ITB horror stories–surgeries; having to sit out for months; being able to run but only as far as a few miles at a time. All of it got me worrying; I woke up several times during the night wondering if I really will be able to get back to running this week. What makes my case of ITB the exception?
I know I’m not 100 percent, so the possibility of a false start is definitely out there. Toeing the line in Hopkinton on April 18 is questionable.
As I was sitting on my trainer this morning while my husband left out to do the workout he loves–basketball–I started getting angry. I did NOT want to be on that stupid trainer. I envied him the ability to get out of the house and do what he loves. Later, after I returned from taking the kids to church, the hubs came home after several hours of basketball enjoyment. I had a bit of a meltdown.
Which may or may not have involved my yelling and throwing things around the garage so the kids couldn’t see me. Which may or may not have led to my packing up my swim bag and rushing off to the gym to work off some steam.
Even after which, I’m still a mess. I don’t want to face months on the trainer and in the pool. I don’t want to flounder around for ages being able to run a few miles here or a few miles there, but not getting up to the long mileage I love.
The real kicker is that I have no one to blame but myself. I’m the one that pushed through several runs when the pain told me to stop. I’m the one that raced a 5-miler in December that I shouldn’t have. I’m angry that I could be so stupid when I know better.
I totally get it…and I'm nowhere near the "runner" you are. But being sidelined for so long was about the most frustrating thing EVER.
Sorry for the rough patch this weekend. Sometimes you just have to throw some things! and yell a lot! and swim fast and hard!
Wishing you the very best this week!!!!!!!
We all have a moment of anger when we are injured, as well as one of self blame. But unfortunately running is risky. It is easy in retrospect to say, yes, I should have stopped running at this and that point, but I think it helps to turn it around and ask how many times you ran through pain and you did not get injured? Plenty, would be my answer. All you are trying to do is get some control over this, so that it won't happen again. But running is risky and I know eventually I am going to get another injury unless I want to be a recreational runner and never go for PRs. I mean, elite runners with all their coaching are always injured. It's part of the sport.
Now, about the ITB. MOST people would ITB recover. I've had ITB in 2009 and it's gone away. Yours will, too. It's a common overuse injury. Now I strech that ITB after every hard run, and also do ITB specific strength exercises. Hopefully it won't come back, but who knows?
So, my main point, it is OK to be angry, blaming yourself does not help, and you'll be running pain free in no time:) Sorry for the long comment!
oh man! I'm so sorry. I totally understand what you mean. Though never to the severity that you have it, I've dealt with the same issue. It is literally the worst and there's no where to really channel the anger. Plus, you know that if you could just run, you'd get rid of the aggression! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. Hope you are better soon!!!
I'm so sorry for you MissZippy but don't blame it too much on yourself. It happened and there's nothing to do about it now except trying to get back in running shape as soon as possible. Blaming yourself gives you negative energy which you don't need right now.
Take care!
I am sorry, Amanda. I know you know I've sat out most an entire year, watching everyone around me doing the thing they loved the most…and it SUCKS!!! It is not your fault either, and I think you know that inside. Sometimes it is hard to know when we're crossing the line between regular aches and pains and true injury…if we don't push the envelope often, how will we get better?
Hang in there, gotta be positive – P.O.S.I.T.I.V.E!!!!!
Big HUGS!
Sorry – that sucks! Why as runners are we so temperamental? Sometimes I run a race, well … fast like YOU … and I think I'm king of my little running kingdom. But then I'll tweak something and have to slow down for a while, and I think "okay, apparently I just SUCK!"
I REALLY admire your coaching advice and running ability – keep your head up, you'll be right in no time! AND DON'T MISS BOSTON – we kinda wanted to meet you there!
Amanda, I think you've just written on a subject that speaks to so many of us that love running and feel our best and most centered when we can run…really run. thanks for such raw and honest words. I went through lots of anger and depression when I had my injury these last few months. Before I knew it was a complete tear in my hamstring, I kept trying to run on it…so STUPID. Here is was barely able to even lift my leg, I was obviously bleeding which was clear from the huge fresh bruising, but I was trying to run and drag my leg with me.
I don't really know what to say except that I'm sorry, I'm thinking of you, and you're not alone. I'm cheering for you. When you are back (and you will be), it will be glorious and you WILL Be Victorious!
It is really hard to stop when we know we should. I did the same thing for at least a month last summer. I know I shouldn't have raced the 100 on 100 as both my kids told me but I did. It is so so hard to stop. How do we know? If we had crystal balls it would be so much easier? Who can say when you should have stopped? You have stopped now and will go on from here. I hope things change for you.
Oh my I am sooooo sorry and I can so feel your pain in your writing. ((BIG HUGS)) We are all here for you!
First of all, I wanna give you a tight virtual hug. There, there…misszippy. I know exactly how you feel. I was in the same shoes just about a year ago. There's a silver lining somewhere there. I just know it. =)
Amanda, I totally understand your frustration. I was out of running for a lot of last year – it sucked. Biking/swimming helped, but for me nothing is like running. I 100% get the meltdown, and I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
All I can say is be sure to listen to your body. If you feel up to a run, and you get out there and it hurts, turn around and walk back. I hope this gets better for you.
LOVE the header! Where did you get that?
Sorry about your situation. All I can suggest is to learn from this and move forward. Most of us learn where the breaking point is by our own experiences, not from what we learn from others. Just know that there will be more running and more races in the future. Hang in there!
Oh I hear ya sister. I ran through months with pain (not in my hip per se, but I think it contributed over all to the fracture). I am still mad at myself. This is temporary. You will be back.
Love the new pic at the top, btw!
This will make you a stronger runner and person..have patience
Love the new pic at the top too 
First of all, I love the new header.
Second of all, go ahead and throw things in front of your kids. I can't remember how many times I saw my Dad's calculus book fly across the room when I was young. Made him seem more real. lol
And third, I think the people who DON'T recover are more the exception rather than vice versa.
I know it sucks really hard right now, and you do have every right to be angry, but just don't give up hope.
I'd feel exactly the same way. On a happy note, love your new header.
Your header picture is AWESOME!!!
Thanks for your sweet comments about my anxiety. I know it will all be fun once I get out there.
I am really sorry you are frustrated. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. Learn from your mistakes but don't beat yourself up too much. This will pass…
You will get better and you will be able to run! We all know how hard it is to sit out and have felt the way you felt today. I know that a month ago I worried I would not be able to run again, but thankfully I can now. Some days are better than other but I am sure you will be back doing the thing you love!
I totally could have written this when I was sidelined for a month with my knee. I know that's small in comparison to your injury, but I do know how you feel. I too pushed through pain on a run when I shouldn't have. And I through numerous fits when I went from running a marathon to not being able to run, bike, and barely walk on a treadmill. I hear you, I really do. Keep trying to find different things that help you burn off the anger – even if it's throwing a tantrum in your garage!
((hugs)) i totally know how you feel! it's totally alright to be angry and throw things. sending good vibes that things start to look up for you
Wish there was a happy pill or better yet, a make it all better pill. I've been there and had to sit out races too. It sucks! The PT guy and his evil ASYTM treatment helped along with doing my glute/core exercises. Now, when I start to feel a twinge, I get moving on the exercises that I've put off. Chin up…it'll get better.
First off, on a positive note, YOUR NEW BLOG HEADER IS THE BOMB!! THAT IS YOU, A WINNER!
Second, let's not get carried away, it could be something disastrous, it could be something that could heal up. It's easy to second guess ourselves and as long as we've been running, we can still mistake a "sign" for a "work-thru-it ache". You can't beat yourself up, it seemed to me you were very logical and cautious about it. It's also easy when you are injured to get pulled into other people's horror stories and quickly get mentally thrown into their same boat. You've been doing the Granston and the ART, last Thursday you said you were pretty close to pain free, did you have an issue running on it? I have my fingers crossed for you, you've been smart, wait and see how this plays out with your run.
Now of course, you know I'm going to say I hope you keep some pool running thrown in the mix to alleviate any stress to the knee upon your return to running. I have my fingers crossed for you MissZ.
I just wanna fly on over and give you the biggest HUG. It's not fair (your right) but I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason even if they don't make all that much sense at the time. Things will come good, you just need to look after yourself.
Meltdowns are OK. I throw things too. It will pass as will the injury. Be mad, let it fuel your desire to get healthy!
It's impossible to undo what happened. What's important now is that you are dealing with it – and meltdowns are part of the healing process.
Pool running and cycling are great. Stairmaster is also good (just make sure you really stretch after – which I'm sure you're doing). Rest and lots and lots of stretching. Wine might help too:)
My running buddy was told in July that he had to stop running and that only surgery would allow him to restart. I sent him to my chiro. for a second opinion – two months later (and lots of treatment, and rolling for 30 minutes three times daily) he started to tear up the roads with me. Now, he's back to where he was.
What I'm trying to say is give it time and stay positive. Sending hugs your way.
Amanda, It could be worse … you could be without that cool new header (-:
::hugs::
I'm sorry.
Doesn't it feel good to throw things sometimes… I've always wanted a punching bag.
Hang in there. There's no reason you can't be an exception. Don't be mad at yourself, it's hard to really listen to your body when you're tough and doing something you love. I hope your week goes well and you're able to get back out there.
I know this probably won't make you feel any better, but I've been exactly where you are. Yelling and throwing things and crying and being incredibly angry at the stupid world that gave you a stupid injury. However, it sounds like you are getting on top of it. I'm just going to keep hoping, for you – you go ahead and be angry.
I remembered when I go injuried, I went through the same phase, then I had to change my mood and find something that will allow me to train and compete still and not throw the season away, which lead me to aquabikes, now I know your a runner, just an idea
At first I was kicking myself for not taking time off immediately after the Detroit Marathon, at the start of this PF, rather than waiting until mid-November. Now I'm annoyed I didn't get custom orthotics sooner as they seem to be doing the trick, but there's no real point in pulling at those threads. Just know that, like most running-related injuries, this too will pass. Thinking of you.
I'm so sorry about your injury. I know how tough it can be – to be relegated to doing things you really don't enjoy just to stay 'fit' until you can do it again. It's tough and that's the unfortunate truth. You can't change the past, just do the best you can to get through this and take it one day at a time. Try to find something new to mix things up, if you can. maybe that will help… a little.
I'm so sorry! Don't be so hard on yourself. You wouldn't be the great runner you are if you didn't push yourself. Just be patient and listen to your body. You'll be back before you know it!
Great header pic!
Don't beat yourself up. I had the same bitterness when my hamstring prevented me from running. My husband kept training, told me about our sister in law who started running and I didn't want to hear it.
Fact is, we recover. You'll recover as long as you're smart about it. Don't rush it. Accept that it will take time and when it heals, you're going to make a come back with a vengeance. In the meantime, work on strengthening all those other muscles. It all makes up the whole.
Well, you've certainly come to the right place to vent your anger – we all get it. We've all been there and for many of us, it was just our own stupid fault. I wholeheartedly believe that you will be back to (pain free) running soon. Grinding through an injury is exactly the sort of experience that is going to make you an even better athlete. Chin up!
And, btw, your header is completely awesome!
First, the new header picture rocks.
Second, you are so much more of a runner than I'll ever be, and your kind words have helped me when mentally and physically battling through injuries, so I hope I can return the favor in some small way. You'll make it through this ITB issue in time, and I think anger is a part of the healing process. I know it was/is for me, and keeps the hunger burning for when the pain starts to fade. I'm sending you as much healing mojo as I can possibly muster. Foam roller and 2x daily stretching got my ITB straightened out in about 5 weeks, but it wasn't a linear progression. Took about 3 weeks to start feeling noticeably better, and accelerated from there.
Ironic that I'm passing along this message while once again working to recover from an injury, but this too shall pass. Looking forward to reading about your future running exploits when your IT Band is just a blip on the radar. Hang in there.
I'm so sorry! I know how frustrating this must be for you right now..I think I would have had a meltdown too! Try to be patient a little longer, because I have no doubt you'll be running sooner than you think!!
hi!
oy…I hear u on that anger. & I know it's ez to say from out in bloggyland,but it's all part of the process of this thing we call the thrill of racing & running. just know u are Soooo understood!!
oh boy…hang in there it will get better…
I get that some days are harder then others..
it will get better for sure..dont be too hard on yourself..you are not stupid..you are human
Love the new header!
Not alot of men making comment here, but big kudos to Chris from Evolving Through Running on a great one. I heard about a social study done by a University. The results revealed that 9 times out of 10 the things we worry about never come true.
I know that it's cathartic to "get it out" to a community that can certainly empathise with what you are going through, and like Chris said, anger is part of the healing process. I am going to stay positive and believe you will run Boston.
Dig the new header too.
Argh..sorry you are having to go through this.
Running fast and long causes stress. It's a delicate dance to run and achieve our hopeful goals and not get injured. Most of us seem to fail at this one time or another.
Remember that it's better to toe the line 10% under-trained than 1% over-trained (i.e. injured)
Get better and stay well…
-paul
Agree with the others- your new header is awesome!!
Don't beat yourself up. I imagine most runners (myself included) have a similar story. We ALL know better but sometimes our passion and our drive just get the best of us. You're not out of the game, just playing a different one. Try to keep your chin up.
It is OK to get angry once in a while. And yes, I am also guilty of trying to run through pain, not listening to my body and then regretting it. You WILL get over this and you will run Boston. I am only sorry you had to listen to all those horror stories.
(((HUGS)))
I can feel your frustration…you just gotta do whatever to get that out of your system…I know you'll make it to that start line in April.
Love the header!!!
I got nothing. I completely understand and I 100% embrace your reaction. You're right, it was your fault and I am the type that needs a moment or weeks to beat myself up so I can rebound hard. I have no doubt you will rebound, in the mean time I hope the anger is what you need to get over it and move on. Way to acknowledge the suckiness of your situation.
P.S. Base on your anger, I have no doubt you'll make to April's start line.
I truly get your anger! It just sucks – big time. No other to describe being injured. But you'll get through it. Stronger!
P.S.: LOVE your new header! So cool!
I'm with both Dash and Katie – don't beat yourself up as you've been cautious and methodical about this, but go ahead and be angry about the injury as it will help you come back stronger. Just keep at it. I'm hopeful for you that you really are on the mend and will be back on the road soon (with some pool running mixed in of course!)
You are not stupid! I really believe everything is a learning lesson. You have this tool, now, that you can use as a cautionary tale for your clients. And, honestly, you taught me a lesson through your experience!
I'm so sorry you're still hurting, and dealing with this. You're more than allowed to be angry, and to freak out as well. Just give yourself a hug afterward, and know we're all rooting for you!
Being sidelined is not something that I have any experience with. How to comment, I am not really sure, but know that your injury is in my prayers and hoping that you will be getting out there soon.
I have somethign similar going on. What I've learned so far, is to not stress what I can't know about the future. I try as hard as I can right now to do the most I can to try to heal myself. I'm one of those people in the healing process that can only run a few miles at a time. Just try to relax and consintrate on what you can do, try to heal. Good luck!
Totally feel ya! just plain sucks. hope it feels better soon
and
LOVE the header
P.S. your head is big in your new header file. (Good thing it's not called a bummer file)
I am in the same place. I get angry when I see people running. I know it sounds silly, but I am just working on positive thinking – getting mad is OK as well.
Yeeeeah, there is some bad mojo going around…sorry. Your new header is awesome, though!
I wish I knew what to say. Just want to give you some support and let you know that I will be keeping my fingers crossed that you are one of the lucky ones.
aw, don't be hard on yourself although i know exactly what you're feeling. try to find the positive in what this cross training will do you for you. i know it's not the same as running, but you'll still be a strong athlete from it.
I'm just starting to run, and I already get a pain in my knee after about mile three. Should I be scared?
That sucks and I'm sorry. Good for you for letting it out.
Oh, and the new header is FABULOUS!
Winks & Smiles,
Wifey
I can't sit here and say "don't worry, it's ok" b/c the truth of the matter is I swear I was there for like 6 straight months last year. And it SUCKS. Injuries are not ok. No way around it. It's ok to be pissed and frustrated and upset. But what I can promise is that you WILL be able to run again one day and this injury will not define you. You're amazing and strong and inspirational. Hang in there, and let it out. You're allowed to vent
Keep listening to your body… you're doing all the right things right now.
Injuries definitely suck; I had two last year and I'm still recovering from the second one. Things will get better. For now, you definitely need to let your frustrations out and not hold them in. Hang in there.
sorry to hear that, don't stay stuck in the self-blame game though
I'm so sorry. But the truth is that we risk injury no matter what we do, and if we just sit on our couches and don't move we risk a blood clot that could become a pulmonary embolism and kill us. You CAN'T win, you really can't. So, you did what you loved and now you have to recuperate for a bit so you can go back to doing what you love – but don't beat yourself up about it, because you'd have been much worse off if you'd spent December sitting on the couch!
Oh, Miss Zippy, I am right there with you now. I'm filling the void with biking and swimming, and I thought that would be ok, but it's not. I'm mentally kicking myself over and over for pushing through because I just HAD to run a marathon. And now I'm having MRIs and just hoping to run again sometime soon. It's a bummer, but we'll get through it.
OH Honey, I am so so sorry. Don't be angry at yourself….we have all pushed ourselves way too hard and past the point that we should have but we are stubborn and that is what makes us great runners.
You have every reason in the world to be angry that you can't do what you love the most. We are all here to support you! I was out for two months (oct/nov) and when I came back I felt better than ever……there are a lot of success stories too:) You can do this. Hope today is better!
We have to take the best in every situation. I am sure that you will solve your problem very soon but, in the meantime, you can swim. I remember 2 years ago, I went to the pool on my weel-chair and to enter I had to use a "crane" for disable but I was happy because I could make "something".
First of all, your new header is ridicuously AWESOME!
You have to be so frustrated as someone who embodies the sport fully. I'm hoping and praying for a healthy return for you!!!
I still love reading your post regradless if they involve a run!
Ugg I am sorry, I know this cannot be easy. Anger is definitely a natural instinct right now, but I hope it's passed and you are able to see that it's not your fault and these things happen. Take care of yourself and it will get better and you will be beack out there in no time!
sometimes you just need to throw things around to get a release, I've been there. Hope you're feeling better today. BTW, Love the new header!
We've all been in that angry stage. You know how there are the various stages of death like denial, anger, bargaining, etc? I think there are similar stages in the process of recovering from an injury. It sounds so petty compared to DEATH but it makes sense. I certainly have had many meltdowns in my short life (and several have been running related). We all get it.
On a side note, how cool is that header!? Where on earth did you get that made?
Love it!
Ugh, I'm with you. That totally sucks.
I'm past the angry stage and at the I could break down in tears at any moment stage. Totally understand as my very slow run got as far as 3 miles today and I knew I had to stop. Frustrated and wondering what to do next. I think I need to pursue Graston, more ART, and maybe an MRI to make sure I don't have other things going on.
If you get down to this comment just know that the pain is temporary. Frustrating yes, but temporary all the same.
You have a fighters mentality and you will fight through this with the proper rest and treatment.
Don't worry about tomorrow yet, take care of today and get that leg figured out. Boston will always be there as will other races.
Here is to you MissZ
And the header is fantabulous.
You have waaayyy too many comments here, so what's one more. Love the header pic. One piece of advice I might give is that I learned why and how I got injuries and tried to take steps so they wouldn't be repeated even though that meant more stretching and strength training. So far so good.
Great Header! So sorry about the injury. I think it's totally normal at this stage, and I think letting the anger go and blogging it totally therapeutic. I hope you soon have some positive signs of healing.
Running and Living has it RIGHT! Maybe read it again and let it sink in. Good Luck!
So sorry I am late getting to this! Big hugs girl. BTDT and I know the frustration. Try not to beat yourself up with blame. Feel the anger then let it go. This too shall pass, hopefully sooner than later.
All of us have been through this, all of us have pushed through an injury way beyond the point we should have stopped. Anger is an emotion you must go through to get to the other side of healing. I was furious when my MCM attempt was taken from me due to a stress fractured femur. But you will get through the anger, you will start to see hope and you will heal and you WILL RISE above the injury victorious!!!
Oh sweetie STOP being so hard on yourself. We have all done it – we have all pushed injuries SO hard that they have stopped us in our tracks and you know what – I think we have all, eventually, become better runners for it. Stop beating yourself (and the garage) up. It's actually hard to tell when something hurts whether it is something that hurts enough for us to have to stop. Truly.
I was laid off for months in 2008. 3 months, talk of surgery etc. Slowly got back to it, 2009 was my strongest year EVER in running (until now, obviously
). You're still working out, you will be strong. And Boston will still be there. You might not be able to run it as fast as you'd like but let's not think about it yet. You're a WAAAAY out.
As everyone has already said, this is all part of the process. I've been through it more times than I'd like to admit. It will be funny to look back on when what seemed like forever was actually miniscule. Running…it's like that, but that is kind of what makes it so special. (does that sound weird:))?
Being injured is frustrating. It's okay to get upset sometimes. It's so out of your control! Just try not to let it get you TOO down. You're still an amazing woman – even if your ITB won't cooperate. Hang in there!
We all feel your pain and understand your frustration because we've all been there at one time or another. I just thought "it will go away" or "it won't happen to me". My ITB problems were possibly caused by some medication I was temporarily taking. I also found that the bike and specific IT stretching exacerbated it while it was really flared up in the acute stage. The foam roller is what worked (and stopping the medication). Hope it gets to feeling better – it is too frustrating to not be able to do what we want to do!